Its no secret that when Im single, I like to troll bars alone and flirt with other single girl creatures.
However, when Im out with friends, I dont talk to anyone.
Like, Im fucking dancing with my friends, so will you leave me alone, you relentless asshole? Like, can you NOT TELL THAT Im drunkenly rehashing a huge fight I had in high school with my best friend right now and this conversation has been building inside both of us for a decade, and working through this is pivotal to the future of our friendship, you creep? Like, I never get to HANG OUT with my beloved friends, so let me bond in peace, you annoying stage-five clinger.
In short: Im a huge bitch when Im at a bar with my friends. I dont like intruders. I dont like to be bothered.
And to be perfectly honest, I dont even notice hot women because Im hooked into the energy of my friends.
But when Im alone, Im sweeter than five yellow packets of Splenda. Ill talk to anyone.
I came to find this talent of mine when I lived in London in my early 20s and didnt have friends. At a certain point, I got pretty tired of chain-smoking cigarettes while watching depressing documentaries on the BBC in my depressing flat. So, I went to the pub alone.
I didnt think that was something I would ever do, but thats the way everything works.
Ill never do THAT! we say when were young and dumb and gorgeous and havent been through rough shit yet. Well never do that until there isnt another option.
And the next thing we know, were sitting pretty at a bar, totally alone, surrounded by new, hot people and thinking to ourselves, Damn, girl. Well done. This might be even better than going out with friends. CAN I GET A YAS QUEEN? YAS.
The first time I realized how much better it is to flirt at bars alone than with your crew, I had no idea I was going to get hit on so much. Like I said, I was sad and I was lonely, so I brought a book to the bar and held court in the dark corner closest to the exit. Within minutes, I was in a teeming sea of eager suitors.
What are you reading?
That looks like a RIVETING book. Whats it about?
Its pretty cool that youre alone at the bar reading.
Who knew books and being free of company was the sexiest combination I had ever accidentally stumbled into?
So, it becamemy new thing. I would grab a riveting book, head to the bar, order a glass of wine and let them come to me.
And in my research, I found the best time of year to do this was in the fall. There is a flirting energy in the fall thats so powerful, you can feel it the moment you step into a drinking establishment.
Here are the reasons why:
Because everyone is out of The Hamptons and back in The City.
Look, it doesnt have to be The Hamptons because contrary to popular belief, I DO realize there is a huge, massive world outside of New York City. Im using The Hamptons as a metaphor for whatever pretty place people like to summer vacation wherever you live.
Maybe its the Jersey Shore, maybe its Myrtle Beach, maybe its the South of France or maybe its MARS. Dont know, dont care.
Any city is a ghost town in the summer.Even if you live in the suburbs (and even Ive had a stint in the suburbs), people are scattered across the country, slathering their pale bodies in tanning oil and using up those PTO days.
But in the fall, the beautiful truth is, everyone is back in town, baby! That means the bars are teeming with more viable options for you, single girl (or cute gay boy).
I love this time of year because there is a really amazing reunion energy in the bars. Were all back in business, fresh-faced, feeling cozy in our chunky knit sweaters and over-the-knee black boots, and were in town again, honey.
Its sort of like back to school season, except not horrible, and theresbooze. And the more people in the bar, the more likely youre going to see one you find attractive.
Because fireplaces make everyone more civilized.
There is something about being drunk at a beach bar that releases our inner animal and makes us go totally wild. Trust me, I was sipping on a lot of frozen cocktails at a lot of beach bars this summer, and I saw a lot of things that I can never unsee.
And while Im a still a rebellious teen at heart who craves wreaking unnecessary havoc, by the time the summer ends, all I want is something prim and civilized and pretty.
Im not the only one. The moment the beautiful mauve colored leaves hit the steel pavement, we flock in droves to the cozy pub. And its not a cozy pub without a ~fireplace~, is it?
Something about the magnetic, face-warming heat of a fireplace just makes people want to behave. Maybe subconsciously it brings back memories of sitting in our darling grandparents living room on Christmas morning, feeling sweet and innocent and just wanting to be the precious, smug children that never do anything wrong. I dont know.
Whatever the reason, the hard truth is, were just more civilized when were cuddled up around a fireplace. And its best to go out alone when everyone is feeling polite and well-mannered.
People are more likely to come up to you and shake your hand rather than stumble over you and vomit on your designer shoes.
So thats a good start, isnt it?
Because everyone is more bold in leather.
You know what my favorite part of fall is? Its ~leather weather~ darlings. Im a vulnerable kitten in my summer whites, but the moment I throw my badass black leather jacket over that innocent little dress, I totally and completely transform.
I feel bold. I feel outspoken. I walk differently. My sex drive skyrockets. Im much more likely to get hit on by a hot entity in the corner of the bar when I have a leather jacket there to protect me.
Because leather is dense. And nothing can cut through leather, not even rejection.
So, put your leather jacket on and head straight to the bar by yourself. Youll actually be more inclined to talk to people, and youll look hot because leather is kinky (even when its from Gap).
Because people are just feeling more romantic.
Were in a hookup state of mind in the summer. You go to a bar by yourself in the summer, and no matter how profound what you have to say is, no one wants to talk to you (I care, and YOU care, but the world isnt like the rest of us).
People want to salaciously make out on the dance floor. The masses want to collect phone numbers and delete them in the morning because something about all that Vitamin D makes us turn into vile monsters.
Yet in the fall, the temperatures drop, and we start to feel gorgeously romantic again. The cold weather makes us fucking warm inside, man.
Maybe its because were not showing so much skin, or maybe its because were sipping the red wine and not chugging back the tequila. Its almost gross how romantic fall is (gag). But thats good! Youre more likely to talk with people instead of just lock lips and leave them.
Because you look really hot in that sweater.
Between the fireplace and your new mohair sweater, youre looking kind of hot. Like, actually hot.
You have little beads of sweat on your forehead. And we suddenly cant help but imagine you peeling that sweater off, which is a total tease. It pulls us in. A prim sweater is the ultimate seduction.
So put on your sweater, strap on your boots and head to the bar alone.
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